Aakhri Pahad Ke Baad

Aaj ajeeb sa sukoon hai. Jaise bahut lambi raat ke baad kisi ne khidki khol di ho. Pata nahi main kahin se ja raha hoon ya kahin pahunch raha hoon. Bas pehli baar jaldi nahi hai. Zindagi ne kaafi kuch diya. Kuch log jo ruk gaye. Kuch jo sirf thodi der ke liye aaye. Kuch din jo kabhi khatam nahi hone chahiye the. Aur kuch jinhe bas kisi tarah nikalna tha. Kabhi laga sab mere haath mein hai. Kabhi laga main bas dekh raha hoon aur sab kuch apne aap ho raha hai. Bahut baar poocha tha, kyun? Ab pata nahi. Shayad har cheez ka jawab hona bhi zaroori nahi.

Aaj bas upar dekhta hoon aur kehta hoon, Tussi Great Ho. Jo mila, uske liye. Jo nahi mila, uske liye bhi. Jo log aaye, unke liye. Jo chale gaye, unke liye bhi. Un subahon ke liye jab uthne ka mann karta tha. Aur un raaton ke liye jab lagta tha subah bahut door hai. Sab kuch thoda-thoda reh gaya hai. Kisi ki awaaz. Kisi jagah ki khushboo. Koi purana message. Koi gaana. Koi yaad meri jo ab kahin nahi hai. Shayad zindagi aisi hi hoti hai. Har thodi der mein kuch chhoot jaata hai. Aur bina pata chale hum thode aur badal jaate hain.

Ab thakan hai. Par gussa nahi. Aankhon mein paani hai. Par shikayat bhi nahi. Bas door ek roshni si dikh rahi hai. Main uski taraf chal raha hoon. Pata nahi wahan kya hai. Khel khatam? Ya khel shuru? Ya bas agla mod? Sach kahun, ab jaanne ki bhi itni zaroorat nahi. Jitna mila, jee liya. Jitna khoya, saath le jaana bhi toh possible nahi tha. Jitna samjha, utna kaafi hai. Aur jo nahi samjha, shayad samajhna tha hi nahi. Agar bas yahin tak tha, toh main keh deta hoon, Main aapka mulazim, Ya Khuda. Aur agar abhi aur baaki hai, toh meri ek aarzoo hai, Rabba. Jo bhi darwaza ab khulne wala hai, use khulne dena. Main is baar poochunga nahi ki uske doosri taraf kya hai.

There is a strange peace today. As though, after a very long night, someone has opened a window. I cannot tell whether I am leaving somewhere or finally arriving. Only, for the first time, I am in no hurry. Life has given me so much. Some people who stayed. Some who came only for a while. Some days I wish had never ended. And others I simply had to get through. There were times I thought everything was in my hands. And times when I could only watch as everything happened of its own accord. I asked so many times, Why? Now, I do not know. Perhaps not everything needs an answer. Today, I simply look up and say, Tussi Great Ho. For what I was given. For what I was not. For those who came. And those who left. For the mornings when I wanted to wake. And for the nights when morning seemed so terribly far away. A little of everything has remained. Someone's voice. The scent of a place. An old message. A song. Some memory of me that lives nowhere anymore. Perhaps this is what life is. Every so often, something slips away. And without even noticing, we become a little different from who we were. I am tired now. But there is no anger. There are tears in my eyes. But no complaint. Only, somewhere in the distance, I can see a faint light. And I am walking towards it. I do not know what waits there. Is the game over? Or has it just begun? Or is this merely the next turn? Truthfully, I no longer feel such a need to know. What life gave me, I lived. What I lost, I could not have carried with me anyway. What I understood was enough. And what I never understood, perhaps I was never meant to understand. If this is as far as I was meant to go, then let me say, I am Your servant, O God. And if there is still more to come, then I have one last wish, Rabba. Whatever door is about to open, let it open. This time, I will not ask what waits on the other side.